"My ship keeps on sailing" English Channel, August 2005 - Pic by Bint-eh Adam.
Original Contributions by myself and 'Little Friend Emma' here.
The responses by 'Man' after the first one are by Emma :-) Thank you sugar plum!
Please speak to me.
I've noticed that you go numb on me when I try to do something to change my vision on life. Why can't I and you live in harmony? Why do you fear so much whenever I walk the Path towards God? Why can't we be friends and go together?
It is not I who turned away; but you.
You were the one who forgot that you were created by the Divine.
You were the one who forgot that the angels were asked to prostrate before you.
You also forgot that you are a resident of Paradise and not this world.
It was you who chose to live in disharmony with me; I was pure until you thought you grew old enough to make your own decisions.
I and you were friends in childhood. But it was you who broke this bond as when I asked you to utilise me to worship my Lord and yours, you ignored me.
So today when I decide to become numb on you, do you really blame me?
You must be merciful with me.
I was arrogant and gave in to my ego-based desires. I ran here and there searching for wants and likes - and I forgot my needs.
I wasn't happy thereafter, I was miserable and I did not know why. So I went searching here and there for happiness; for love; for your Lord and mine...
... and I even searched in the hearts of others, for you had gone numb, and it was still not satisfying.
I ran down several roads, and all came to dead ends.
I knocked on several doors, to find that they were only walls. I climbed all those ladders to slip and fall back down. Why did you go numb?
When I needed you most, oh Heart, when I needed you most, you went numb. Be merciful and let me feel once more..?
I went numb because I believed you didn't want to know me anymore. Even I missed our great times during childhood. Even I missed us being surrounded by the angelic presence in your days of innocence.
But as you grew, I found it more and more cumbersome to relate to you. I tried - I really did, to warn you how I was feeling. All those times that I would sink right into you; it was my way of telling you that I was not happy. That I was missing the angelic presence which I knew was no longer with us as you wasted so much time avoiding their invitation.
Soon I gave up. I thought to myself: perhaps this is the way things were meant to be. Perhpas I and you were not meant to get on together after a certain stage of our lives? Perhaps this is the state I would be presented on the Day of Gathering?
I became very bitter and upset at this. And vowed to never again to work with you. And so it was that I isolated myself from you and left you to follow the road on your own.
Oh man, please don’t put me in a compromising position with my Lord. I beg thee.
How can you leave me unless I went completely cold?
But even then, the most chilled of men have warmed their eyes with your divine glance - how is this different? Are you playing with me your delightful game, for I know you would never abandon?
So close to me, you are my conscience!
If I forget you tucked up safe and sound, is it that when I return you will have disappeared?
If I fall fast alseep and dream of nonsense, is it that when I wake up I would be blind?
Oh heart! Silence doesn't scare away my tongue or batter my ears, so what is this you kidd me with?
Even a terrible child is not abandoned by their mother - is your love any different? Are you not my guardian to guide at Divine Will? And when a child reaches out to their mother, they only expect to be greeted with a free flow of blessed milk. If it is denied, won't they cry? And when the child grows, their milk cannot be abrubtly taken away - won't they fuss? They have to be weaned off carefully, and gently - do you think I am different?
Can you say you left me?
Aren't you here right now?
You have never left me and won't you stay?
You are right I have never left you and never will, as I am present within you even through times when you have caused me much suffering that I may as well think myself dead.
And indeed I died a thousand deaths and you are the one who killed me so ruthlessly.
Every time you entered into a situation that went against my nature I was wounded and bled in pain.
Every time you sat in the company of those who spoke against my Lord and yours,’ an arrow pierced through me.
Every time you heard words which invoked the praise of vice I felt myself incapable of listening and deafened myself from your cries.
Every time your eyes repressed virtue, you blinded my sight.
Every time your tongue tasted the forbidden, my thirst to taste the sweetness of faith grew.
Every time you touched what you were asked not to, I started becoming numb.
So that one day I became so hard that when you cried I felt no wetness from your tears; I heard not your pleading nor did I see the sincerity in your eyes.
I became as distant from you as the stars from the earth; though visible from the land – you cannot reach out to hold them.
Tell me why I should allow you to reach and hold me once more when you caused so much damage? Why can’t you carry on in your Path alone? Why suddenly do you need me?
How, how could I ever trust you again?
Oh my faithful Heart!
You are always with me and if you were to die and my blood ceased to flow, I would die as well. And at the times that I have hurt you it was I who was better off dead than alive, and it was I who committed a thousand suicides. Those arrows went through my chest before they ever reached you. And those wounds spat blood away from you and onto me - a gruesome mess!
And when your thirst for faith grew, was it not my thirst as well? Then didn't I cry? But my tears could not quench your thirst, and I did not know what you desired! My tears, they are nothing but salt - and that will not heal a wound! Yet I cry, and I cry more, won't you stop this crying? Won't you reach back and wipe a thousand tears from my eyes so that I may let heal a thousand wounds? Won't you bandage this bleeding slit, or will you leave it in the water to drain, to wither up and die?
If you are truely as distant as the stars, then I will carry you down to me. I will gather up these salty tears and you will shine in their reflection; then I will capture you! I will conquer you once more - and can you resist?
Then I will dive into my puddle of tears, but since they are too shallow to be proper for diving I will hit my head! And won't then, oh heart, won't then will I see even more stars! When I bang my head, won't I see those stars within my self, even deeper than my eyes? That is when I will have you!
Then I will hold on to you, my heart - you will not escape! And you can trust me not to let go. But if I do, then you do not have to reach out to catch me, for I will fall and land on my head - and behold! There you will be with those glittering stars!
How can a tripping fool like me carry on a path alone? I will always fall and hit my head, and you will always have to be there. To see you in a puddle I shall weep a thousand tears, and to see you in my self I shall fall a thousand feet.
My heart! To die a thousand deaths, you have to live a thousand lives. So I wonder, my heart, if I have hurt you so badly, so may times, why do you keep coming back? Why would you come to back to life if you were better off dead?